Three feature films after, two in the making and a 2007 Cinemalaya entry, oh God, spare me, but I have to say, I AM NOT AN EDITOR!!!!!

The burnout me must be talking but yeah, I'm not a born synthesizer. 

Since I bought Dam-Dam [my computer] on August 2004, we shared the same battles with survival.  He, with his malfunctions and me with my self. I guess my battles were harder to fight, though.

Originally, I purchased Dam-Dam so I could do editing jobs.  At that time, Master Julo [my classmate] was earning well as an editor. I thought, I should earn much like him. So I tried hard to learn Adobe Premiere Pro for a start.

Yeah, there were some "clients" but most of the time, Dam-Dam was up all night, rendering his free services to my friends and classmates who had no editing machine for their film projects.

Voila. The money-making venture didn't even had its launch.

Then the chance to edit a full-length feature came when Direk Dante Mendoza offered us [Leo and Dohna] to reedit "Masahista" in 2005. I had a blast [kaboom!] and then, I felt editing was gonna be my ladder to success.

But no. After editing "Manoro" and "Twilight Dancers" last year, I came to a point of doubt.  Critics had a feast on how "Twilight.." was badly edited.  It was not badly edited, say that with conviction.  As any editor, I just worked on whatever footage was available. And it wasn't my fault if the Director preferred to use a two-cam set-up and two angles!

As a student at the UP Film Institute, I edited my own short films and I guess I did well. So my editing doesn't suck! Bwehe.  That's according to me.

These past few days, suddenly, I had a feeling that I was stuck in something so uncompromosing.  I'm not complaining. It's just that, when I come face to face with the same group of video footage for a month, I wanna explode.

That was overacting, I guess I just wanna burst. Yes, I'm not an editor. Hear me.

1.  Because I'm not a technical person.  Ask me which firewire is the best, I'll just blankly stare at you. Then drool.

2.  Because I always mess up with my capturing.  I don't know which area/sssss I did wrong but always, my captured footage are not in good quality.  I often ask myself, did I do it right? Either they're blurry or pixelated or.. messy. I'm not sure if it's because of the firewire or do I still need a gadget that's more high-end. The confusing thing was, everyone I asked told me that firewire is always the tool for capturing. And I wasn't groggy when I clicked on my setting, for sure.  Then what's wrong, damn-it!

3.  This is gonna kill my so-called career but I don't understand what they mean by rhythm editing. Shoot me now, but when the Director wants a clip shortened or extended, that's it. So, find the rhythm, you dickheads.  P.S. I know that editing has its beat.  So don't let me figure it out for you, assie!

4.  Damn, but I'm having a hard time learning how to color correct.  I can't achieve the look that I want.  Is it because my gadget is constrained? Or I'm too stupid not achieve it.

5.  The more I edit other people's films, the more I desire to make my own films again.  Why am I stuck with editing their films when I can make my own? Because they have the money to do it. And no matter how their films suck, they had the funding to shoot it. 

6.  People think that a glossy film is well-edited. And I get frustrated when the FORM of my edited products are not as glossy as the other's. 

7.  Because my allegedly good editing is not yet proven. Nomination, anyone? Pfft. Crap. Yeah, I was referring to myself, whore. That nomination will never come. Not this year, anyway.  Every Manoro's production staff was nominated at the Empress Awards this year.  Except me. Boo. My editing must have been very, very terrible then.

8.  Because I cannot understand why I'm so patient with editing that's so paradoxical with my impatience in real life. I'm so patient putting the right footage together. And I'm so impatient waiting for my real, big break.

9.  Because I'm tired of following orders from others.

10. Because I'm a DIRECTOR. A very, very good Director. And I'm going to be a famous, world-renowned Director.  Lars Von Tier, hide behind your mother's legs.  Here I come!!!!!!!

After all that's been said by my lunacy, c'mon, you're stupid if you took me seriously.

Editing jobs for me, anyone? I'll give you a kiss.

Directorial job? I'll suck your toes.