Three feature films after, two in the making and a 2007 Cinemalaya entry, oh God, spare me, but I have to say, I AM NOT AN EDITOR!!!!!

The burnout me must be talking but yeah, I'm not a born synthesizer. 

Since I bought Dam-Dam [my computer] on August 2004, we shared the same battles with survival.  He, with his malfunctions and me with my self. I guess my battles were harder to fight, though.

Originally, I purchased Dam-Dam so I could do editing jobs.  At that time, Master Julo [my classmate] was earning well as an editor. I thought, I should earn much like him. So I tried hard to learn Adobe Premiere Pro for a start.

Yeah, there were some "clients" but most of the time, Dam-Dam was up all night, rendering his free services to my friends and classmates who had no editing machine for their film projects.

Voila. The money-making venture didn't even had its launch.

Then the chance to edit a full-length feature came when Direk Dante Mendoza offered us [Leo and Dohna] to reedit "Masahista" in 2005. I had a blast [kaboom!] and then, I felt editing was gonna be my ladder to success.

But no. After editing "Manoro" and "Twilight Dancers" last year, I came to a point of doubt.  Critics had a feast on how "Twilight.." was badly edited.  It was not badly edited, say that with conviction.  As any editor, I just worked on whatever footage was available. And it wasn't my fault if the Director preferred to use a two-cam set-up and two angles!

As a student at the UP Film Institute, I edited my own short films and I guess I did well. So my editing doesn't suck! Bwehe.  That's according to me.

These past few days, suddenly, I had a feeling that I was stuck in something so uncompromosing.  I'm not complaining. It's just that, when I come face to face with the same group of video footage for a month, I wanna explode.

That was overacting, I guess I just wanna burst. Yes, I'm not an editor. Hear me.

1.  Because I'm not a technical person.  Ask me which firewire is the best, I'll just blankly stare at you. Then drool.

2.  Because I always mess up with my capturing.  I don't know which area/sssss I did wrong but always, my captured footage are not in good quality.  I often ask myself, did I do it right? Either they're blurry or pixelated or.. messy. I'm not sure if it's because of the firewire or do I still need a gadget that's more high-end. The confusing thing was, everyone I asked told me that firewire is always the tool for capturing. And I wasn't groggy when I clicked on my setting, for sure.  Then what's wrong, damn-it!

3.  This is gonna kill my so-called career but I don't understand what they mean by rhythm editing. Shoot me now, but when the Director wants a clip shortened or extended, that's it. So, find the rhythm, you dickheads.  P.S. I know that editing has its beat.  So don't let me figure it out for you, assie!

4.  Damn, but I'm having a hard time learning how to color correct.  I can't achieve the look that I want.  Is it because my gadget is constrained? Or I'm too stupid not achieve it.

5.  The more I edit other people's films, the more I desire to make my own films again.  Why am I stuck with editing their films when I can make my own? Because they have the money to do it. And no matter how their films suck, they had the funding to shoot it. 

6.  People think that a glossy film is well-edited. And I get frustrated when the FORM of my edited products are not as glossy as the other's. 

7.  Because my allegedly good editing is not yet proven. Nomination, anyone? Pfft. Crap. Yeah, I was referring to myself, whore. That nomination will never come. Not this year, anyway.  Every Manoro's production staff was nominated at the Empress Awards this year.  Except me. Boo. My editing must have been very, very terrible then.

8.  Because I cannot understand why I'm so patient with editing that's so paradoxical with my impatience in real life. I'm so patient putting the right footage together. And I'm so impatient waiting for my real, big break.

9.  Because I'm tired of following orders from others.

10. Because I'm a DIRECTOR. A very, very good Director. And I'm going to be a famous, world-renowned Director.  Lars Von Tier, hide behind your mother's legs.  Here I come!!!!!!!

After all that's been said by my lunacy, c'mon, you're stupid if you took me seriously.

Editing jobs for me, anyone? I'll give you a kiss.

Directorial job? I'll suck your toes.

Pakshet. Sumobra ata ang lason ng McDo na kinain ko ngayong gabing ito.

At umi-emo ako ng ganito. Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Kaw kasi e. Para ka kasing subconscious. Di maramdamang nararamdaman na pala. At anlakas ng impact. Parang utot na ibinuhos pagkatapos ng isang linggo. Siyet.

Lam mo bang magmula nung isang gabi, pinag-aralan ko na sa gitara ang mga kantang pwede kong kantahin pag kaharap. Tapos, parang sa mga anime, me hearts-hearts pa na umi-epek sa dalawang mata tapos malalaking butil ng pawis na galing sa gilid ng patilya. Toink.

Pero di nga, seryoso, pinag-aralan ko ang mga kanta. Pero hindi naman yung tipong luma-labstruck ako.

Huwaw.

Pero hindi. Epekto lang ito ng sobrang McDo.

Sa kabilang banda, namimiss na kita Bolitas. Ikaw at ang mga pagkalunod mo. Alam mo bang ikaw lang ang tinawag kong Bolitas sa buong buhay ko? Namimiss na rin kitang balahurain e.

Hoi, Palengkator. Namimiss ko na rin ang mga talak mo. Ikaw at ang iyong boses-kiking boses.  Namimiss ko na ang mga "time check" mo. Ang mga kwento mong lablayp. At ang pagkabagot mo dahil sa maling gupit mo sa F Salon.

Buwahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahhaha.

Klasik ka, Palengkates.

Hoi, Pikoy, alipin ko.  Ikaw, na omnipresent sa buong universe. Dahil kamukha mo si Pikoy, si Sir Campos at lahat ng mga mukhang adik at timawa sa buong Pilipinas, Malaysia, Indonesia, East Timor at Fiji.

Pakyu ka Mimay. Ikaw lang ang tanging baboy sa buong mundo na nakakakurot ng utong ng walang mintis. Akala ko magiging masaya na ang lahat ng mga lalakeng binalahura mo, pero, nakakamiss ka pala. Ikaw at ang higante mong pagkatao. Wuy. Mag-audition ka sa American Idol next Season ha? Malay mo, ikaw na ang next Queen Latifa.

Buwahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahhahahsahhahahahahhahaha.

Gurnang walang kwenta! Ikaw lang ang natatanging mayordomang walang kwenta. Hoi, kumusta ang pagkabatugan mo diyan disyerto? Patawanin mo nga ako. Dali!

Amishu Ciudz. Alam kong lovestruck ka ngayon. Salamat sa pag-update sa iyong mga birtwal na buhay. Ipagpatuloy mo. Wag ka lang masyadong pakalunod. Baka di ka makaahon.

Missya Anay. I need your updates. Kayo, na alam kong hindi so-called friends. Ipagpatuloy ang pagkababoy. At bilang ideal housewife, tumbling ako.

At sa inyong lahat na namimiss ako... Heh. Kala niyo lang miss niyo ako. Mahal niyo ako no! Di niyo lang maamin-amin.

Hindi ko pa man narinig ang mga salitang lumalabas mula sa pinagmulan nito, naramdaman ko nang inihagis mo sila patungo sa akin. Ako, na handang saluhin sila ng walang nakatikom na daliri.

Nakita na kita. Noon pa. Ikaw at ang iyong pambihirang anyo. Naihalo ako, kasama ng isang milyon pang mga matang nagnigningning nang magisnan nila ang iyong mga ngiti.  Mga ngiting nakadikit sa birtwal na larawan. Mga matatamis na ngiting iisa ang hulma. 

Sabi mo, alayan kita ng mga salitang higit pa sa matalinghaga. Siguro, ito na yun. Siguro, hindi pa ito yun.  Malamang, darating din tayo dun. Sa panahong naghilom na pareho ang ating mga sugat. Di ba sabay nating lakbayin ang daan patungo sa bahagharing bigay ng paglaya?

Oo, nakikita kita.  Ikaw at ang maraming mong imahe. Pero, sana nga't makita na kita.

Magkaibang mundo man, nagsasalubong din kaya ang ating mga hinahangad?  Alam mo ang kasagutan at sana'y maiparating mo rin ito tulad ng iyong mga salita na lumabas mula sa pinagmulan nito. Sa iyo.

Hindi ko man hawak ang lahat ng susing bubuksan ko para sa'yo, alam kong andiyan ka lang naman. At andito lang ako.

Paano siya? At sila? Ang isang milyon pang mga matang nakatingala sa'yo?

May sagot naman. Pag nagkita na ang ating mga mata.

James introduced me to www.web.tickle.com where you answer questions then they assess you then voila, there I was, already boxed.  But I had fun answering answering the questions and finding out what "I am". Read on.

Ako.

You're a Rock Star!

You crave attention, the limelight, and the fawning admiration of millions. You have lots of fans and friends, and you like knowing how much others appreciate you. On top of this, you're a go-getter and you really shine under pressure.

You believe in making a good impression and you have to love what you do, or else your performance slips.

And that's just scratching the surface!

My past life.

Come out and play — in your previous life, you were a hamster named Vladimir. Here's what we know about you: Born on the plains of Siberia, you spent your early years weathering harsh winters, drinking vodka, and attending committee meetings. Determined and headstrong, you always got your way when push came to shove. But it wasn't all darkness — no one knew how to let loose and have a good time better than you. You were the reigning Twister champ, and you always emerged victorious from the Bolshevik's annual Dance-a-Thon (your signature step, the Funky Chicken, was a huge crowd pleaser). As you were also quite the health fanatic, you developed and patented a set of exercise wheel fitness videos that quickly became all the rage in Siberia. Your commercial success led you to denounce Communism and head for the States, where you ultimately provided the inspiration for a wacky Web site and song.

What's my buried secret?

You keep secrets about your Love Life

Way to keep 'em wondering! When it comes to affairs of the heart, your lips stay sealed. Whether you've had your share of heartache or done the heartbreaking yourself, you know that not much good comes from kissing and telling.

You're a passionate person who takes relationships to heart. While some people dish up intimate details of their love lives around the water cooler, you've got more respect for your sweethearts than to reduce them to email fodder. If your name happens to circulate through the rumor mill, it's only because you're so mysterious. Who says romance is dead?

What kind of kisser am I?

You're a Playful Kisser

Talk about freestyle! You've got originality points when it comes to kissing. You are probably the type of person who goes with the flow and plants your pecks accordingly as each situation dictates. And why shouldn't you? The only real important rule is for you to be yourself — and to keep experimenting. If something feels good, you should keep doing it. And especially in lessons of l'amour, there's no reason to conform.

So pucker up and keep seizing your moments! But before you get all crazy experimenting, sticking your tongue in your partner's ear, or getting carried away with your little love bites, remember that a kiss is between two people. You don't want to turn them off while you're getting turned on. So if that happens, take a deep breath, slow down, and try a little tenderness.

Am I evil? Lovet.

Well, you're kinda evil. They haven't reserved a place for you in Hell yet, but the leasing agents are starting their calls. (Sorry, no air conditioning.) We're guessing you find others' pain funny, your backstabbing knife is probably pretty sharp, and your sexual wiles have likely brought you enjoyment at the expense of your bunkmates a time or two. If more than one of those three things rings true, consider yourself a card-carrying evil person. If you're interested in recanting the evil thing, sensitivity counseling isn't a bad idea. Or else find a more sadistic career, like a bouncer or a metermaid. But hey, to each his own, and if your evilness fits, wear it. Keep reading for more evil details!

Kinda sexually evil.   We're all slaves to our urges — some just more than others. Sure, you probably shake it a little to get your way, but you don't beat yourself up over it (unless you're into that, of course). For your own sake, realize that getting hurt sexually generally stings more than being burnt with your clothes on. So even if your pillow pal has a mean set of love handles, keep it to yourself. Just listen to that little voice in your head (no, not that one), and the evil sex thing will stop.

My celebrity soulmate.

Your celebrity soul mate is someone who's Indie

You're probably not one to take the path most traveled. In fact, an independent spirit like you would much rather carve out your own special niche. So it's only natural that your romantic match would be required to do the same.

Someone who's unique, intelligent, maybe a bit serious and brooding is right for the part. An indie actor like Christina Ricci seems best suited for that role. And it only makes sense that you'd rather have your rendezvous at places that are under the radar — just like you! So, keep making your own waves in the world. The awards and accolades are sure to follow for you and your celeb soul mate! And even if you don't live in the same reality as your celebrity soul mate, you can still meet someone who's indie close to home. So get moving!

Me, as a tv reality show. Er, I would have preferred myself as Survivor or Amazing Race.

You're destined for Road Rules

...ang universe.

Kung anuman ang patutunguhan ng pagtitiwala ko sa'yo, bahala na.  Sabi mo nga, hindi ka masamang tao. Alam ko naman yun, e. Sino ba ang masama para sa kanyang sarili? Siguro nga, patuloy na lang akong magpakasasa sa sayang dulot mo.

Dumating ka sa hindi inaasahang panahon. Habang kasama ko pa siya.  Nang di pa natapos ang pagkurap ko, nawala na pala ang lahat ng mga hinangad ko.  Hindi ko alam kung sasaluhin mo ako gaya ng sinabi mo, pero mananalig na rin ako.  Malay ko. Bukas makalawa, malalaman ko rin.

Bahala na ang universe.

At para sa kanyang iniwan ko, isang awit ng pagluluksa.

Walang Hanggang Paalam
Joey Ayala

Di ba tayo’y narito upang maging malaya
At upang palayain ang iba
Ako’y walang hinihiling
Ika’y tila ganoon din
sadya’y bigyang-laya ang isa’t-isa

Ang pag-ibig natin ay walang hanggang paalam
At habang magkalayo papalapit pa rin ang puso
Kahit na magkahiwalay tayo ay magkasama
Sa magkabilang dulo ng mundo

Ang bawat simula ay siya ring katapusan
May patutunguhan ba ang ating pagsinta
Sa biglang tingin kita’y walang kinabukasan
Subalit di-malupig ang pag-asa

Ang pag-ibig natin ay walang hanggang paalam
At habang magkalayo papalapit pa rin ang puso
Kahit na magkahiwalay tayo ay magkasama
Sa magkabilang dulo ng mundo

Ang pag-ibig natin ay walang hanggang paalam
At habang magkalayo papalapit pa rin ang puso
Kahit na magkahiwalay tayo ay magkasama
Sa magkabilang dulo ng mundo
Sa magkabilang dulo ng mundo

Fifteen days bago mag-Valentines, ayun, at modang emo kami ni Ausie sa text. Tapos napunta usapan namin sa pagpapahanap ko sa kanya ng kadate.

Ausie: Sabi nila ang pag-ibig daw ay tulad ng isang paru-paro. Mailap kapag hinahanap. Muwahahahaha!

Bebs: E kung sabihin kong ang pag-ibig ay parang prosti, dapat binubugaw! O ano. Buwaha.

Lovet? Eto pa. Modang emo uli ako, this time with Icang. Ayun pinag-usapan uli ang mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa mga maling taong pinapatulan para lang magkaroon ng boyfriend.

Icang: Bat nagsasayang ng oras sa mali?

Bebs: Mas sayang ang oras sa paghihintay sa tama na di dadating.

Weeeeh. Wala lang. Share lang.

a scream i heard from the
painful chaos afar from
where i stood.
the smell of frozen soil too
putrid to hear my
breath then melting.
for sleep was elusive, shadows
of ponderance upon me cast.
such longing for
impossibility i break
then felt my hour fallen.

<copyright 2007>

Some friends tell me I'm awful. Because that's the truth.  They insist my fashion statement sucks and my hair is ready for burial.  They believe my addiction for looking like an addict is adorable. They know I can pass up as a Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, Taiwanese and I am not any of those.

This group of friends know that my greatest fear is getting old.  And they often kill me by haunting me with that fear.  They know I'm a slave-driver and they worship me for it. 

And they think they know me well.

Another group of friends think I'm promiscuous. They think I always paint the town red and scatter my lust around every corner of the universe.  They think I'm a golddigger but ask for a share of whatever I get.

Some friends, I knew a lifetime ago.  By fate's ridiculous twist, we met again and are starting to build our bridges again. Sure, it was fun spending time with them again. Just that, am not sure how long the fun's going to sustain itself. After a while, we don't have anything else to talk about except the past and what have become of our other friends.

Suddenly, we found ourselves not knowing one other after all. And it will take another lifetime to build things again.

A few friends, though we've known one another for long time, don't know what I've become anymore. They think I'm still the same and judged me so passionately wrong I regretted having known them.

And there are some friends who don't know I just patronize them.  They've been helpful to me in some ways, no doubt. But I know they never believed in the great things that I'm capable of achieving. Because they put too much glory on someone who's worse than a monster.  That fact, they didn't know. 

That monster never leave the house without putting on his masks.  These so-called friends? All they see of him is a saint who never had evil in his veins.

What my friends say about me does matter.  How they see me weighs heavier than how I see them.  But if for a long time, some of my friends never had faith in me and see me as a belittled, stupid artist that I will never be, might as well never see them.

I'm happy I'm starting to learn that.  And my life is more peaceful without them.

Woo. Am gonna sing this on Valentine's Day!

Jill Sobule, you're a genius! Yeah.

BITTER
Jill Sobule

I could slip, I could fall
In that mean and awful hall
With the other jealous bitches
And the bitter grumbling men

I could sneer, I could glare say that
life is so unfair And the one who
made it, made it `Cuz her breasts
were really big

Well I don't wanna get bitter
I don't wanna turn cruel
I don't wanna get old before I have to

I could bitch, I could moan
Say I want to be left alone
But that's not really true,
Because I like my time with you

Till you rant and you rave
Wishing fat folks to their grave
But I feel sorry for them
You say they get what they deserve

Well I don't wanna get bitter
I don't wanna turn cruel
I don't wanna get old before I have to

I don't wanna get jaded
Petrified and weighted
I don't wanna get bitter like you
Like you, with the darts in your eyes
Like you, with disdain for mankind
I was charmed, now I wonder

Well I don't wanna get bitter
I don't wanna turn cruel
I don't wanna get old before I have to
So I'll smile with the rest
I'll wish everyone the best
And know the one who made it,
Made it cuz she was actually pretty good
Well I don't wanna get bitter
I don't wanna turn cruel
I don't wanna get old before I have to

Panoorin niyo entry ko ha tapos palakpakan niyo na rin kahit di kayo nagandahan o di niyo gusto. "Doghouse" ang title. Feb 13, Tuesday, 1pm, sa CCP Dream Theater. 

Eto ang full sked.

Schedule: IKA-19 GAWAD CCP PARA SA ALTERNATIBONG PELIKULA AT VIDEO February 13 – 16, 2007 at the CCP Dream Theater
(Tanghalang Manuel Conde)

ADMISSION IS FREE!

13 Feb/Tue
10AM
(no screening)

1PM
Short Feature Entries 1:
Doghouse / Jose / Litanya / Saling
Pusa / Lapis at Papel / Impen / Malas /
Bestfriends / Carpool / Pagbugtaw
(Waking Up) / Kariton / Ang Kapalaran ni
Virgin Mario / Ikasiyam na Palapag
(Ninth Floor) / Kung ang Tula ay Pwedeng
Pambili ng Lalaki / Tatlong Piso / Ang
Pagbabalik

4PM
Documentary Entries 1:
Piso at Monumento / Buhay sa Patay /
Bunker O: Sumirib Plus / Ciao Gian
Luca! /
Making Group Sex / Ruta ni Ka Roda /
Buhay Bangkero / Graveyard Shift /
Medalawna / Sinulog for Beginners /
Batang Ballroom

7PM
Opening Film:
BEHIND IMAHE NASYON
By Jon Red

14 Feb/Wed
10AM
Short Feature Entries 2:
Takipsilim / Klepto / Pinakamagandang
Pelikula / One-Man Show / Adam's
Family /
Eros / Manyika (Doll) / Yayay /
Misteryo ng Hapis (Sorrowful Mystery) /
Lababo
(Kitchen Sink)

1PM
Documentary Entries 2:
Ossie: A Sinulog Photographer** /
Musika at Bulag / Boxingera / Mama/San /
Portrait: Rediscovering A Filipino Film
Classic / Sa Pusod ng Bundok / Sa Villa
Cristo Rey / Sa Kanlungan ni Ina **

4PM
Short Feature Entries 3:
Tagapagligtas / Inertia / Lakaran

7PM
Animation Entries:
Target / Spider's Thread / Dok / Egg-
O / Ang Pagkaplag / Row your Boat /
Dream
Systems
A Day In The Life Of Gloria Arroyo /
Buhay Bato d/w New Animation from
Indonesia
from hellofest (Jakarta)

15 Feb/Thu
10AM
Documentary Entries 3:
Bantay Riles / Kunyang / Sa Patay, sa
buhay (In Death, In life) / Da Dou Sai
Mau
(WTO, Ibasura!; Junk WTO!) / Lukso

1PM
Short Feature Entries 4:
Wish Ko Lang / Gabon (Cloud) /
Sikolohikal na Armas ni Juan dela
Cruz / OFW -
Bagong Bayani o Baliw na Bayani / Dead
Letter / Geegee at Waterina / Hinagap

4PM
Documentary Entries 4:
Memories of the Sea / Walai ** /
Syokoy**

7PM
Experimental Entries:
Sakdal Laya / Lang / It Feels Good To
Be Alive / Cuatro / WWIII / Makibaka Wag
Matakot / Transcendental Progression /
Simula / Mga Bagay na may Pakpak / Sa
Pagdating sa Bawat Sandali ng Mga
Bangungot / Doble Vista / Mr. Holiday
Wants To
Die / Spill / Attack Rate / Revolt of
the Hymen

16 Feb/Fri
10AM
Short Feature Entries 5:
Maria Milagros Barborosa / Alagwa
(Breaking Free) / Ang Obrang 'Di Tapos /
Murphy's Law

7PM
Awards Ceremony

FREE ADMISSION!

For more information, please call CCP
Media Arts at 8321125 locals 1702, 1704
&
1705 or email film@....